Guest post by Kesia Alexandra, author of It Ain’t Easy
I have never questioned whether or not poor people deserve to have nice things. Growing up poor and still working my way out of poverty now, I know that having money doesn’t make someone more human and not having money doesn’t make anyone any less human. Everyone loves and deserves to have nice things, regardless of economic status.
However, I do often wonder about the nice things that many poor people choose to have. Yesterday in the dollar store the cashier was talking about how she bought her son an X-Box for Christmas and his father got him a Play Station. Another lady was talking about how she got her son one of those as well. Perhaps these people are secretly wealthy, there’s no way for me to know. But I live in a poor area and most people around here are poor, like me.
The situation made me think of some advice my mother got from a salesman once, which she relayed to me. He said, “look, if you want to sell something, don’t go to rich people. They don’t buy. Don’t go to middle class neighborhoods, they’ll pick over it, they’ll judge. You might make a few sales. But if you really want to move merchandise, go to the poor neighborhoods. Go to the ‘hood. They buy anything. I don’t know why, but they do.”
A few days ago I was at McDonald’s with my god-brother and he was talking to me about his Helly Hanson jacket and matching hat and Jordan sneakers. And it made me sad because a) he doesn’t even live with his real mother who’s a prostitute and b) the woman he does live with, i found out later that night, is very sick.
But if he has nothing else, he has these Jordans.
And I get it. Poor people, we deserve nice things too. It gives us a sense of value, in our own eyes and the eyes of all the poor people we live around. I’ve seen teenagers with Gucci belts beg bus drivers to let them ride for free because what’s the point of going anywhere if you don’t look good when you get there?
So yes, nice things are important to everyone, including poor people. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make smart decisions about what nice things to get. Growing up I might have never had X-Boxes or whatever was on trend at that time but I was taking trips around the US, I was a national figure skating champion, I always had new books because they were sold at the thrift store for 25 cents. And I was still poor. My mother just invested the money in my personal growth, something that doesn’t lose value as soon as you walk out of the store. Maybe I was made fun of for the way I dressed. I honestly don’t remember. But I do remember every trip I’ve ever taken and every accomplishment I achieved which led to new opportunities and new experiences.
I don’t like metaphorically tallying someone else’s receipts, but I think its important that if you qualify why poor people like nice things you also have to go a step further and dig into why we place value on the things we believe are nice. What makes these things “nice”? Who told us these things were “nice” and isn’t that the same person who benefits from us buying it?
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Books by Kesia Alexandra
It Ain’t Easy ~ View on Bookshelves | View on Amazon
So true. My godmom does social work. She shares stories of people buying humongous tv’s and exclusive jordans…but, they eat top ramen and resort to EBT because they rather have clothes and nice things. “Nice” things have alot of value to some. It’s what society has prioritized for us. What a grat read!
I always thought financial planning was important to be taught in school yet it rarely is. Nice post!
I couldn’t agree more.
Brilliant piece! Poor people should get their priorities right.
Interesting post. This is an issue on consumer brainwashing. But I think that people in general, rich or poor, want what they don’t have – and what others have. Doesn’t matter what it is.
basically what determines these things as nice is society. Society could deem that sculptures made out of pine cones are nice and so every person would want them.
What poor people want most of all is not to be perceived as poor – they want that illusion that if they wear things that are determined to represent “wealth”, that everyone else will accept them, and that is what it is really about – being accepted by the herd – it’s not even really about the money or the status at all, but a simple sense of belonging, and everyone deserves to belong, rich or poor.
Great post, Kesia. While I can’t say I’ve ever been poor, I know my husband grew up with much less than me. He does like nice things, but he’s worked hard to be able to afford them. At the same time, we taught our boys true value isn’t in what you have and they didn’t get every new thing that came down the pike as they grew up, and guess what, they’ve thanked us for that. 🙂 While everyone deserves nice things, it is sad the value we have put on them.
Good points made and very well said!
Kesia, this is spot on. That advice given to your mother is so true, and something I think about often. “But if he has nothing else, he has these Jordans” resonates with too many of us, honestly… A little of your perspective will hopefully prevent some of us from conditioning our kids the same way.
Your view of this situation in quite accurate. Most poor parents want the best for their children, even if they have to borrow from Peter to pay Paul to get it. Go figure!
Excellent message that I hope reaches far and wide. Maybe you could comment on why so many people living in the world’s richest country where people lift themselves up from poverty daily feel someone other than themself is responsible for their condition in life.
Powerful think piece. I’m having internal arguments with myself over the questions this post raises. Where does this issue start? Where does it end? How do you fix it?
I really enjoyed reading this. Very engaging, insightful, compassionate, and inspirational!
Poverty seen from a new perspective through Western eyes. A post about living, breathing people who happen to be poor, people who have the same needs and desires as rich people or middle-class people. Poor people whose story is told through their own words. A truly original piece!
I think that this a great article. I think that the fact that the author has had first hand accountss my the article more appealing to me. She isn’t on the outside looking in she is on the inside looking out. The point she made about what we put emphasis and value on is an important because we tend to place a high value on materialistc things in low-income communities instead of putting value into
things as the author said loose value as soon as you buy it. This article definitely caused me to think.
Interesting thoughts. What are the solutions to this, if anyway? Doesn’t it come down to the individual in the end?
I am poor at the moment. Throughout my life I’ve had up’s and downs and times that I’ve had money and times when I can’t afford to eat. However, no matter how poor I have been, my children eat, my children get spoiled for Christmas and birthday because I feel it’s the only time of year I can justify spending money on useless crap. It’s that stuff that lets them be seen as normal in the eyes of their friends and kids at school so to me, it’s a worthy investment. It makes them happy. Not just the items but the way others treat them because of those items. It may be messed up, but i don’t make the rules I just follow along to make life easier for my children. If I have to skip a meal here or there or get three reminder letters for the electricity and have my phone cut off for the 4th time in 6 months- pft, totally worth it in my eyes.
Priorities are different. When you’re poor, home ownership is so far out of reach that it’s not on the radar. I owned a house, and lost it to foreclosure. Before we moved, I was ready to sell everything I owned, get rid of cable tv, etc. to be able to keep the house. Then I had an epiphany. I liked my stuff better than my house. I liked going on vacation more than my house. I let it go and moved into a trailer park.
A part of me still thinks I should be working to buy a house, but the part of me that understands what you’re saying here says screw the house. Cable TV makes me happy. Even if I live like a miser I may never afford the house. At least this way I can watch TV.
An very interesting article. Of course everyone – rich or poor, whatever color, whatever background and culture – deserves nice things. The question is what do we consider to be “nice” and worthy things to have? Why do we put so much emphasis on exterior signs of affluence (the Jordans, the clothes, the jewelry, the latest smartphone, and all of that crap), when true wealth – spiritual wealth, morality, and care for others – in other words, what is truly important and, in my opinion, the only real “nice things” around, is put on the sideline. It’s not necessarily a poverty problem; it’s a consumerism problem.
Good for your family to choose cross-country trips, books, and personal growth, over all this transient material stuff. That’s wisdom; that’s really having what matters.
I especially appreciate the point about considering just who is sending the messages about what is nice, and who benefits from those messages?
Poor is often a mindset as much as a monetary issue. I’ve seen miserable “rich” people with the mansions to prove themselves rich and “poor” people happy with a shotgun shack.
At times in my life I have lived what many would call poor. A garden they hand dug in the back, seeds they saved from last year. When I was a kid if I had a watermelon to eat in the summer, it was because I grew it. And if I wanted candy, I cut someone’s yard to get the money.
We are more and more losing a sense that a simple life is a good one. The need to have everything, even if we don’t have a use for it, is growing.
For myself, I would rather died a poor man, with wonderful memories of family trips when the little money we had was spent, than a rich man who worked for all the things that he leaves behind, to people who don’t need them.
MSTarot
Good post. Kids repeat what they see and hear. The instant gratification of receiving something like a playstation or new pair of tennis shoes can never compare to the long term benefits of, say, a good education or world travel. But new things do make people feel good, no matter what you or I might think.
I understand the point you’re making, but you also have to consider that your examples involve children. The parents buying the game systems for their kids or your brother being happy about the new clothes… kids are influenced by their friends. I guess I’d like to believe adults, rich or poor, are not.